Monday, October 12, 2009

A teaspoon of sugar

Work life is very similar to school life. You wake up in the morning dreading the fact that you have to go do something for the whole day but once you're there you sort of just cope with it. Like this morning, I hated that I had to force myself awake, but once I've clocked in I'll be in robot mode. I work at a fast food restaurant. Just take a second to imagine the kind of horrors I have to face there every day.

That's right, herds of obese people telling me what to do. I don't think it's unfair to say that working in fast food is a good way to lose your respect for humanity. There are a rare few who can leave me with a smile on my face, like when I see a single mother with five little kids doing her best to keep them simmered down or a happy couple of old folks who thinks their jokes are still all-that and a cup of coke. But most of the time the people I see just piss off. Drive thru especially. Oh dear god, you get the worst ones in there.

But like I said, it's not all bad. I relatively enjoy the company of some of my co-workers and getting mulah is always a plus. I'm getting a promotion sometime in the next couple of weeks and it kind of scares the stuffing out of me because it means getting more involved. The last thing I want is to wind up making fast food a career choice. I'm going to have to quit sometime in the future, I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

With my next pay check, I owe my parents some money and then I'm going to save up for a laptop. I think part of the reason why I can't work up enough motivation to write a story and stick to it is part of my enviroment. The computer in my house is in a big, stale smelling room that's right next to where my parents sleep all day and the chair is creaky and uncomfortable to sit in for too long. I actually prefer to go outside with a journal and a pen and write but handwriting is so taxing that it also dwindles my motivation. Now if I had a laptop, I'd like to believe all of that could change. I could literally sit down anywhere I wanted and just write on microsoft word. I don't need internet, though it would be nice. Mainly just something I could keep all of my ideas.

There are a few really great stories, one of which I want published, that I have swirling around in my noggin. I can only hope that I can build up enough mojo to get them out of my head and onto paper. Writing is my passion, but it's also like a double edged sword.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Little bit of fun left

So I'm going to stay up for another hour watching Yugioh because I dont want to go to bed even though my left eye feels like it's throbbing for whatever reason and I shouldn't be looking at a computer screen. Nevertheless, I've got to see Yugi defeat Marik in a duel. Ah, memories of the days when I could get away with watching cartoons without being called a nerd. *siiigh*

Anyway, I'm totally loving this blog thing. I'm going to see if I can get my own cult worshiping me sometime over the next millenia. Peace out peeps.

Ah, if only I could be that cool.

Allergic to Mormons

...I go on walks to clear my head and end up nearly getting run over by a car.

Before you read this, you should know that I respect the opinions and beliefs of any religious individual and I hope that you can do the same for me. Otherwise you might find a bag of burning dogie poo on your doorstep.

All religious symbols. The Mormon temple, the Christian/Catholic crosses, The Jewish star and the Buddhist statue. Of course there's many more religions out there (Scientology for example :D) but you get the idea. Each religion is of course, united in believing that their particular religion is true while all the others fall short. But who's right, anyway? I mean, Almost all of the big religions believe in that Jesus guy. Why can't they just get along? So what if some high up catholic priest guys raped a couple little boys? Who cares if the Mormons think that they have a new, improved bible called the book of Mormon that everyone should be reading. Aren't we all aiming for the same thing? I mean, c'mon? What's the one REAL thing that all these religions have in common?

I myself am in a Mormon Church and from what I've seen, you're baptized at the very young age of 8. Now when you're young, you're very persceptable into believing whatever you're told to believe in. Hitler managed to do it to a bunch of adults, can you imagine the kind of pressure it'd be like to have your own parents telling you that coming to this church in particular is what you should do. Then baptizing you at 8 and dropping all of these responsibilities on you like covenants and decanships, etc. BRAINWASHING. Not mind control. Mormons aren't zombies...though they certainly act like drones. Dressing up in white and doing everything the same. Where's the individuality? Does religion even have individuality?

Buddhists wears robes and shave their heads. Jews have to eat kosher meals (on top of a huge selection of rediculous things they can't do). All these rules telling people how they should live their lives. Mormons follow a metaphorical "iron rod" that supposedly leads them through their lives unscathed and into the open arms of Heaven's gates.

In the end, what they're all doing is CLINGING onto this idea that there's a simple and easy way to go through life with as little pain as possible. As if life were that simple? You followed the rules, you'll be fine. If you don't, well...that brings me into my next point.

Another major connection between the Nazi's and the Religious community (especially with Catholics from what I've witnessed) Is this: If you don't follow these certain rules, then you're going to suffer. Hell is perhaps the biggest, scariest thing we as humans created (Notice how I say we created Hell, not God). An eternal wasteland of death, pain, and horrors that we can't even imagine. Every single one of us is afraid of that kind of place, whethere you realize it or not, and in my opinion the reason so many people join a religion is because they're deathly afraid of winding up in a place like that. They trick themselves into believing that the religion they chose has changed their lives and that they're living a better life. What they're really doing is wasting their lives away.

"Do what I say, or you're screwed" Is incorporated into every religion.

Christians, for example, don't believe in gay marriage because a book called the bible tells them that the almighty God says that being gay is sinful. Same with Abortions, in fact. It's not enough that they suck the lives out of everyone who goes to their churches, but they have to try and ruin the lives of everyone else as well. And for what? Because a book says so? A book written by man. Man.

Now what are we as Humans notorious for? Telling the truth? Writing down great prophecies in the beginning of time that everyone should follow till the end of days? Like life is some television show with the pilot introducing the main character, Jesus, and then millions of seasons later the series finale comes out of nowhere and it turns out that Jesus was actually the good guy and that everyone in the show who was good goes to heaven and the bad suffer in hell. What a grand spectacle that would be!

I find it hard to believe in a book that was written by men. Men are liars. Or perhaps they really did believe what they were saying and claimed to talk with angels and see Jesus heal the sick and the blind and walk on water and yadda yadda yadda. Maybe they were all just high on glue! I DON'T KNOW! And I just can't honestly believe in something like the bible or anything else that pretends to be the bible. It doesn't sit well with me. I've tried, believe me. I used to be a man of faith and think that if I just held onto that faith, I'd be OK. But what is faith anyway? It's an excuse we use that tricks our weak little brains into thinking that our hearts are telling us to believe this bullspit. Faith is not real. It's just an excuse, a distraction, and an act of desperation.

To be in a religion, you've got to be depressed. Here's why. Depression leads to Desperation. Desperation equals faith. When you're sad and alone and feeling like the world is against you but then you come across a church that appears to have all the answers to your questions and provies a comfortable home to heal your wounds. Would you turn that kind of place down? Of course not. It'd be like a homeless person turning down a million dollars. Little does he know it's Monopoly money. People have the power to believe whatever they want and actually BELIEVE that they believe it. How else do you think so many Nazi's could capture, rape, and murder so many jewish people who did nothing to harm them. I came to believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was the true church and I was so convinced of my faith that I got baptized. I thought that I'd finally found a place where I could leave my wounded heart behind me and begin anew. For a while it worked. But then the suffering came back and I tried to pray. But praying is nothing but a tool we as humans created in order to make ourselves feel a little better when facing our fears. I would pray to have God take my pain away and to help me through, and then the fear I faced would swallow me and my suffering would only get worse. But I never gave up. I prayed. I fasted. I paid my tithing. I went to church and I put on a smile in front of everyone so that they couldn't see me for what I really was. But it never got better. Not even once.

I humbly waited in pain and suffering because of a few things that had been haunting me, just barely holding on when one day I realized something. Maybe the reason I wasn't getting better, wasn't because God was testing me, but because he wanted me to let go. Maybe, if there is a God, he wanted me to see that this religion, along with every other religion in the world, is actually a farce. Or perhaps it's simply not my destiny to be apart of that kind of place anymore.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt a little better. I felt better believing that I didn't know what was next rather than trying to follow something that, when it came down to it, I never truly believed in.

This life is not worth abiding by some rules that we as men created in order to try and make ourselves feel better. Life fucking sucks. Reality doesn't let us escape that easily. If there is a God, if there is a Heaven and Hell, if there is anything beyond death, I'll meet it when I get there. Because the way I see it, my life is the only thing that I truly have. As far as I know it's the only one I'm ever going to have. I don't want to waste another single second of it sitting in a church pretending to follow the rules and guidelines that I don't believe in. I've tried. I've listened to hundreds of people give their testamonies and I remain unconvinced.

I will live life my own way, even if it means enduring through pains and tribulations without turning to God (Because we all know praying doesn't do a damn thing) and I'm going to make my own Happiness instead of the fake, sterile happiness that Religion represents. I'd suggest that you all do the same.